SOUP KITCHEN

A Secret of Love

My wife got sick. She was constantly nervous because of problems at work, personal life, her failures and problems with children. She has lost 30 pounds and weighted about 90 pounds in her 35 years. She got very skinny, and was constantly crying. She was not a happy woman. She had suffered from continuing headaches, heart pain and jammed nerves in her …back and ribs. She did not sleep well, falling asleep only in the morning and got tired very quickly during the day. Our relationship was on the verge of break up. Her beauty was leaving her somewhere, she had bags under her eyes, she was poking her head, and stopped taking care of herself. She refused to shoot the films and rejected any role. I lost hope and thought that we’ll get divorced soon… But then I decided to act on it. After all I’ve got the most beautiful woman on the earth. She is the ideal of more than half of men and women on earth, and I was the one allowed to fall asleep next to her and to hug her shoulders. I began to pepper her with flowers, kisses and complements. I surprised her and pleased every minute. I gave her lots of gifts and lived just for her. I spoke in public only about her. I incorporated all themes in her direction. I praised her in front of her own and our mutual friends. You won’t believe, but she has blossomed. She became even better than before. She gained weight, was no longer nervous and she loved me even more than ever. I had no clue that she CAN love that much.

And then I realized one thing: The woman is the reflection of her man.

- Brad Pitt

A friend recently posted this quote to her Facebook and I absolutely loved it. There has been a lot in the media recently about Angelina Jolie’s very brave decision to undergo a double mastectomy. Today I read that a fellow celebrity and cancer survivor lashed out on Jolie saying that she acted not out of bravery but fear. Instead of Jolie issuing some sort of public statement in her defense it was Brad Pitt who stepped up publicly saying that Jolie and their family’s decision was, on the contrary, made sheerly on the basis of strength and for the better of their family - and not fear.

A lot of people are afraid of illness of any sort. The moment a relationship becomes less than perfect, serene and stable it seems that everyone is ready to walk away. This completely abandons the very concept of love and commitment, in my opinion. When the Prophet (PBUH) first received any sort of decree from Allah SWT he rushed home to his wife Hadrat Khadijah and sobbed in her arms that he was surely losing it and going crazy. She was his rock at the time and the biggest source of his strength. I love this story beyond measure and everytime I lose my faith in love and commitment I dredge up this story from my memory.

As much as I despise celebrity-worshipping, I find the Jolie-Pitt relationship to be insanely admirable. That many children, that many commitments to external projects, films and charitable causes and they continue to make things wonderful and beautiful together. And the fact that he was able to stand by her side when she completely fell apart - and find a way to help her pull herself together without patronizing her or making her feel terrible for falling apart in the first place - is very noteworthy.

We need more men like that.

Nothing is permanent. By attaching yourself to something that has not happened yet, may or may not happen in the future, and will not persist even after it happens (because nothing is forever, except our spiritual bodies), you set yourself up for unhappiness.

Some simple examples:

• Money. You earn a million dollars and you attach yourself to this new-found wealth. However, money is not forever. Perhaps you will not have the money one day. Or even if you continuously generate higher amounts of wealth (which is terrific), you certainly can’t take it with you when you die. You become miserable with the notion of losing your money – or even, the notion of death.
• Relationship. You get into a great relationship with a terrific person and you attach yourself to him/her. However, maybe one day both of you will grow apart and you or him/her may realize the relationship is not meant for you anymore. You then slide into a fear-based, obsessive compulsive, neurotic, clingy persona that you never were, frightful that you would lose him/her – Not realizing that you have lost yourself in the process.
• Job. You get a job at a great company and you attach yourself to your position/company. One day, unexpectedly, you get retrenched. You become devastated because you had defined so much of yourself around the company. Without that job, you feel worthless.
• Future. You really want to achieve X goal (say publish a book, release an album, become a world-renowned photographer, etc), to the extent where you base your identity around it. You do everything in your power to achieve this goal, which is fantastic, except that you also become frustrated whenever you don’t see your desired results manifesting. Your emotions would yo-yo up and down, depending on whether you see results or not. In the end, your results become affected by your fluctuating emotions, which creates a vicious cycle.

What’s the solution then? Become some jaded, emotionless zombie? No, not at all. Rather than fixate yourself on the external world and get into a mad frenzy when it changes against your wishes, focus on your underlying intentions instead.

For example, don’t attach yourself to your partner, but the intention for a loving relationship. Don’t attach yourself to money, but the notion of abundance. Don’t attach yourself to a particular friend, but the desire to be connected with others. Don’t attach yourself to your job, but the message you want to deliver through the job. And so on.

When you do that, you will become a fuller person – One who lives in the present (not the past or future), one who lives for him/herself (not for other people), one who lives as him/herself (not as what others want you to be), and one who knows what he/she stands for (not defined by objects, status, or roles).

Lately, the airport is the only place where I can get some journalistic writing in. Everywhere else I am I either want to be as far away as possible from my laptop or I want to be trolling my work email and legal search engines. Ugh. “Who am I?” *Zoolander style*

Last Casual Friday I dared to bring out the animals-on-clothes obsession that I have long had. I continue with it this weekend…this time featuring baby dogs (which, are just puppies, right?) on my blouse.

Blouse: Zara

Jeans: Banana Republic

Shoes: Aldo

Little Jaxson Denno was fully expecting to hang out with The Invincible Iron Man when his mom told him Tony Stark was shooting a movie in his neck of the woods.

Needless to say, the 18-month-old Western Massachusetts native was none-too-pleased when he ended up meeting Robert Downey, Jr. instead.

Love everything about this lady.

I was feeling terrifically terrible this morning because I couldn’t sleep and waking up was so hard to do. So I fell back on my fallback for mornings like these: black dress pants, belt and a dress shirt.

Except then I got to work and was like, “what they hey, I wanna be wearing my coral red heels and not these black pumps”.

A good thing I keep six pairs of shoes under my desk…

Dress Shirt: J.Crew

Dress Pants: Gap

Belt: Banana Republic

Shoes: Naturalizer (forever comfy!)

Me. Just at work. Laying on the couch. Attempting to destroy iconic photography.